Universe -Phan-
by TheFrindge
Summary: Dan is trans, he's a guy but he doesn't dare to tell anyone and it's eating him up on the inside. His family is extremely religious and promotes gender stereotypes. So when one day Dan gets lost in his thoughts and a student asks his name he answers with Dan. Now he is on the mission to make sure this Phil Molester or whatever doesn't tell anyone transman! Bi!Dan,gay!Phil high
1. Chapter 1

When those who pretend to be someone they obviously were not, annoyed Dan. Which is rather hypocritical of him to say.

He always pretends to be someone he is not, but it's not his personality that's fake, it's his gender, his body. Something very important to him.  
That should not be anyone's bloody business. Not like anyone knew anyways, he was a coward. He had tried to tell someone a few times of course. Let's just say he chickened out every. Single. Time.

Dan would look in the mirror every morning; before every shower and as he got ready for the night.  
Those were the times his face would twist into disgust, pure utter distaste.

Don't get him wrong, it's not like his body was by any social standard 'ugly' or 'fat'. He never cared about those things anyways.

What was wrong was that he didn't have a mother fucking sausage with the package. A. K. A. the penis and the balls, as weird as it to say so.

Only package he had was two dangly balls of pure pain. A. K. A. The boobs, the tattas, however human kind had decided to call these bags of death.

All of his inner monologue aside Dan was simply a guy, a guy with an interesting vocabulary, but a guy nonetheless.

If only everyone else knew.

 _You pretend and hide,_  
 _Your smiles are a charade,_  
 _You giggle,_  
 _Then you laugh and you drink the champagne,_  
 _And when your mask has cracks,_  
 _And when your mask has holes,_  
 _You cover them all up,_  
 _Mend them with care,_  
 _Because if anyone were to see inside,_  
 _They'd see a broken face._

(Song belongs to me)

•••

The halls Dan was currently walking through were the halls of rabid humanoid animals, the creatures that charmed others with their unattractive slurs and sometimes quite insulting pick-up lines.

In short Dan was in his high school hallway trying to get to the cafeteria.

As he walked he bumped into many people, few said sorry and most just acted as if nothing had happened.

It's not like he was on his period and a single movement made him feel like something just pierced him from the inside. Not at all. Why would anyone think that?

Grunting Dan wished he had stayed at home today, it would've been so much easier then this hell.

"Asshole. " Dan hissed as _another_ wonderful person bumped his side. This person of course just walked by, because why should they be sorry that Dan is now in internal pain?

When he finally stepped into the damn cafeteria Dan felt like doing a dance of victory. Only he scratched that idea away the moment he remembered the pain inside him, the damn female body and it's cursed genitalia.

Throwing his bag onto the floor he sat next to Louise in an overdramatic huff.  
She immediately turned around to face him, and the moment she recognised him she smiled widely.

Dan just grunted and Louise rolled her eyes.

"Good day to you too Danielle."

 _Ah yes, that cursed name_.

Dan just mumbled a 'good day' back, ignoring the burdening feeling inside himself. He started to become very aware of his body, as if his own skin was taunting him.

Dan pushed it deeper inside himself, he couldn't let anyone know, not now.

"Are you okay Danielle? "

The dread rose inside him again and he felt very sick. Not literally, just generally if that made sense.

But of course he shook his head in denial quickly and faked a quick smile.

"I'm fine, just annoyed from those twats in the hallways. " The words slid off his tongue and they felt so fake that he could taste the bitterness on his tongue.

Louise eyed him sceptically, not really believing what she was hearing. Dan just rolled his eyes.

"I'm fine, honest."

If the definition of 'fine' were "I am very stressed and have anxiety cause I'm pretty sure I have gender dysphoria, oh and did I mention I want to claw these boobs off?" Then Dan is for sure fine.

Louise still seemed doubtful but sighed in defeat.

"Alright, I'll stop pestering you. But remember Ella, you're my best friend! There is not another girl like you in the world! " She cheerfully explained, her voice comforting and full of encouragement.

Dan felt another stone fall and the burden got heavier.

 _No girl like me, huh?_

Dan sipped on his juice distractedly.

 _Probably because I'm not a girl._

 _•••_

"Protection during sexual intercourse is very important. The most preferred way is a condom-" Quiet snickers ran through the classroom and the teacher shook her head in disbelief.

"Now children this is very important. You don't want to die because you had sex now do you? " She looked at the students through her glasses seriously, almost everyone swallowed nervously.

"Or become underage parents? How about a disease? " The teacher kept on going and Dan was probably the only one who realised she was trying to scare the students. With a reason too of course this was some serious shit going on here.

When the teacher was finally satisfied with the reaction she got, she simply continued with the lesson.

"Now a condom goes, as you delinquents probably knew, on the mans penis."

 _But what if I'm a man and have no penis? Come on teach help me out here!_

Dan frustratedly thought as he slumped in his seat, he loved this teacher. She was always fair and wasn't annoying. She loved scaring students when they were annoying and she even did karaoke in the classroom once!

He could see she was trying to get reactions out of students today, oh and she was obviously enjoying it.

"When a man puts his dick in a woman's -"  
The bell rang loudly and most students looked more than happy to escape today's class.

Dan was quite the opposite actually, he was dreading leaving school. Sure it's fine to stay at home during school time, but that's only because no one's home.

Now though? His mother is home and his father is coming back home in 30 minutes. About the time Dan would be home.

Which equals both parents home, equals no freedom.

Not because of stupid reasons like 'oh I can't watch TV' and similar, it was because his parents were _extremely_ religious.

How lucky are they to have a bisexual trans son eh? Not to even think how _oh_ just _lucky_ he was to have _them._

Sighing Dan ignored the feelings inside him, knowing that they didn't matter. Because the moment he entered that house he was just a tomboyish, but beautiful, _daughter_ of his parents.

 _How fucking lovely._

 _I am a faker,_  
 _My skin deceives,_  
 _My eyes play the fool,_  
 _My words swindle out your doubt,_  
 _My smiles are tricksters_  
 _In the league with my thoughts,_  
 _They mislead you,_  
 _Because I want to hide._

(Song belongs to me)  
•••

"So Danielle how was school? "

"Fine."

"Don't pester her Marie, you know how teenagers can be. "

"Alright, alright John. "

"I've had enough, I think I'll head to bed. "

"Goodnight Ella! "

•••

 _Ella this, Ella that. The name is_ _DAN_ _!_

Dan furiously sat on his bed, he wasn't sure who he was more angry at. Himself or his parents. Both seemed probable.

Groaning he buried his head in the pillow, releasing angry noises which were not audible enough for anyone to hear.

Clutching his fists he felt his boobs rest on the bed, and _oh dear God it felt so, so wrong._

He felt like clutching them, praying to some higher power just to make them disappear.

He felt tears prickling his eyes, but absolutely refused to cry. He wasn't going to. He had wasted too many nights just crying, he wasn't going to cry today.

A tear slid down his face anyways, going against everything he wanted, just like his life.

 _Silent tears until I fall asleep,_  
 _glide down and fall,_  
 _Shatter my life,_  
 _Fall into the pool which my tears forged,_  
 _Drown inside it,_  
 _Drown in my own hate._

(Song belongs to me)

•••

"So, who do you think looks better? Alfie or Caspar? " The enthusiastic voice asked Dan as he took a mouthful of his sandwich.

Louise had been looking for a potential valentine, seeing as logically she absolutely needed one for Valentines day.

Dan didn't like the holiday, it made him feel single, and reminded him that he'd be fooling a guy he'd be with.  
Because they'd think he was a girl, and he was a guy. Which would be fooling someone and he didn't want to do that.

"Caspar, he's cuter. " Dan answered, thinking that _yes Caspar is cuter._

"Oh, so you like cute boys? I finally know what kind of guy to get you Ella! " Louise happily exclaimed, obviously taking the information she got as some kind of victory.

Dan tried ignoring the name but felt a bit of his appetite fade. Instead he rolled his eyes and sighed at Louise.

"Whatever. "

"It's not 'whatever' and you know it!" Her happy voice made Dan smile a bit. Louise spotted it easily and started giggling.

Dan chuckled at Louise's antics and took another bite of his sandwich.

 _And when I feel sad,_  
 _You laugh and smile,_  
 _And when I feel bad,_  
 _You comfort and smile,_  
 _And when I cry,_  
 _You take me into your arms,_  
 _Tell me it's all fine,_  
 _You smile._

(Song belongs to me)  
•••

Sitting in the new algebra class was real boring. The teacher was incompetent , simply wasn't skilful enough to teach a bunch of teenagers. Good thing he was only a substitute.

They were only five minutes in and Dan already felt bored. Not to mention he couldn't understand anything that was being said.

"I'm so sorry I'm late! This grandma attacked me with her bag because she thought I was going to rape her, BUT I WASN'T! And like, I missed the bus so I had to run to school and I'm not good at running. You see my P. E. grade is actually pretty bad and-" the student that literally _ran into the classroom,_ was retelling his entire morning escapade in detail. Even adding useless information just to spice the story.

Dan was simply bewildered. He didn't know what to think, this student was a) amazing at making distractions and lies or b) actually this misfortunate and very loquacious.

To be honest looking at the feeble student he didn't seem to have a single deceiving bone in his body. The students voice seemed to be going astray, jumping to one conclusion to another.

Dan in all honesty fount it endearing.  
Not that he would admit it to anyone.

"Mister Lester, quit talkin' and sit next to Miss Howell, your talkin' is giving me a headache. " The substitute teacher obviously got very annoyed, seeing as he was now shooing the guy away next to Dan. Who was just feeling a bit uncomfortable now, seeing as he got called 'Miss Howell'.

The guy just awkwardly tottered towards the seat next to Dan, who was now admiring the guys emo haircut.

 _I should stop calling him 'the guy', what did the teach call him? Mister Pester?_ _Vester_ _? Molester? No that's a horrible name. How_ _about-_

"I'm Phil. " hissed a quiet voice next to him. Dan nudged his head to the side to see 'the guy'.

 _Guess I know now._

"Dan. " He whispered back instinctively, but the moment he said it he realised what the fuck he actually said.

How could he be so vacuous? _How?_

The horror must've showed on his face because Phil looked at him with an adorable addled expression.  
It only took the guy few seconds until sudden cognizance crossed his face.

He flashed Dan a smile.

A genuine, honest smile.

 _This guy_

"Hello Dan, nice to meet you. "

 _Is a wonder._

The class continued.

 _I keep it all in,_  
 _Never let it out,_  
 _For the secrets I keep shall never abscond,_  
 _I count them every night,_  
 _Check on them in the morning,_  
 _None are ever gone,_  
 _None have managed to flee,_  
 _But than you came along_  
 _And I let them go willingly._

(Song belongs to me)  
•••

During lunch Dan's gaze peered the cafeteria. He couldn't find the charming Phil anywhere. He knew he had seen him before, in the halls most probably. But they had never talked, Dan's guess was because they didn't share any classes.

Except the extra algebra that he was forced to take that is, he sucked at algebra. And now, Phil was in it too.

But he couldn't wait till the next algebra class, that was on Friday! And now it was Wednesday, that was a big time period and he was impatient.

As he aggressively bit his apple he felt Louise's eyes look at his curiously. She was obviously trying to figure out what was wrong with Dan, oh well, _Danielle._

Taking another frustrated bite he heard Louise clear her throat.

"What? " He asked quickly, not really caring how his tone sounded.

"Ella, is something um... Bothering you?"  
She asked in quandary, obviously not knowing what to do.

"Yes, yes it is. " Dan bit the apple again.

The silence dragged awkwardly, Dan bit the apple.

"Would you care to tell me? "

As he was about to bite the apple again, he stopped.

Should he? Should he really tell her? He literally told a guy he never met that his name was _Dan._ A male name, even tho he has obvious boobs. What was the guy even thinking. What was _he_ himself thinking?

He couldn't tell her the complete truth.

"I would care, yes. " He answered.

 _Way to be vague Daniel James Howell_

Seeing Louise's raised eyebrow made Dan metaphorically raise his hands in defeat.

"Fine, there was this guy-"

"There was a guy? " she literally squealed in delight at such indefinite information.

"Shush Louise, if you want an explanation let me talk. " Dan said calmly but meaningfully.

Her childish face of impatience made him grin as he started to talk.

"So anyways you know I was put in this extra algebra class because I was doing real bad at algebra? " she nodded.

"Well anyways, it was really boring and I was almost succumbing to ennui but this _guy_ just runs into the classroom. "  
Dan over exaggerated with hand movements as he explained.

"He's all 'heavy breathing' , but no not in an attractive way at all. " Dan says as he sees Louise's suggestive eyebrows. She pouts but he ignores her quickly.

"So he starts explaining why he's late and honestly I don't know if I yet believe the excuse he gave! " His voice was full of disbelief and in a way, awe.

"He said that I granny hit him with a purse because she thought he was going to rape her and then-" Dan, continued the story Phil told everyone in class, trying to keep every detail.

Louise was quickly mesmerised by Dan's story telling and was laughing her ass off by the end of the story. Few adventuring tears escaped her eyes in pure laughter.

"That guy sounds like a funny guy indeed! " She declared enthusiastically.

I nodded in agreement, a small satisfied smile gracing my lips.

 _As you speak all around joy springs,_ _And as I cry my sobs ring,_  
 _But your voice echoes through,_  
 _Your laughter gracing me,_  
 _And as you reach for me,_  
 _I thought you'd bury me,_  
 _But my judgment is false,_  
 _So I call for you through the walls,_  
 _I doubt you would hear my calls,_  
 _But the sun shines and reaches me,_ _Your arms around me,_  
 _Like the sun your warmth finally surrounds me._

(Song belongs to me)  
•••

Dan impatiently tapped onto his table and he was sure he was going to, accidentally, drive someone insane.

Waiting for this Phil _Molester,_ or whatever his surname was. He still couldn't believe he had said his name was _Dan._  
Fucking _Dan._  
Goodness was he stupid.

He had to fix this, what if Phil told someone? What if his parents found out? This entire situation was looking worse and worse.

Groaning Dan rested his head on the classroom table, his arms lying around his head.

"Good morning Dan. "

Dan's head snapped up so quickly he wondered how his neck didn't snap.  
It was motherfucking _Phil Molester._  
The motherfucking guy who just called him _Dan._  
 _Like it was no bloody problem._

"Good morning Molester. " Dan grumbled back.

"What? _Molester?_ " Phil's face was scrunched into an adorable expression of confusion and slight misunderstanding.

"Um, isn't that your surname? " He questioned back with an unsure face. Dan was really ambivalent about this guy who's-surname-wasn't-Molester.

"Er, actually it's Lester. " Phil said with an still unsure face. Dan on the other hand felt embarrassed. His belief had been a fallacy.

"Sorry. " Dan apologized.

The awkward silence after that was well, for the lack of words, _awkward._  
As the bell rang to signal the begging of classes Dan thanked the higher powers for cutting the awkwardness.

Thankfully the class continued normally (the substitute was finally gone) but Dan couldn't help but get distracted by a certain black- haired boy. He needed to talk to the guy about ... _this_ _._ Whatever it was, he couldn't just let him walk around the school with the slight chance he'll tell someone. If Dan's parents ever found out...he didn't even want to think about it.

"Alright class, since we're almost over with these lessons I want to finish it off with a partners project! " Mr. Urie said with an evil glint, as if partners were the most evil things ever. This teacher had always been a bit weird, but he liked him.

Dan was for the first time in forever very happy about the partners project, this was a perfect opportunity to approach Phil. He could easily talk to him this way without being creepy or a stalker.

"Hey Phil, um would you like to be my partner?" Dan blurted out quickly trying to get it over with. He was nervous and he felt like a school girl admitting her life long crush and was fearing denial. He definitely wasn't a school girl, he was a school _boi_ _._

 _Good_ _one_ _,_ _I_ _love_ _my_ _jokes_ _sometimes_ _._

Dan sat there waiting for Phil's answer, not like he was actually taking long he was just impatient, and he felt like not existing anymore because he just had non idea what to feel like.  
Because this guy _knew_ _,_ this guy just knew it and he needed to...he needed to do _something_ _._ He was just so confused.

"Of course Dan. " The answer was so honest and nice Dan felt like punching something. He couldn't explain why, but just he felt like it. Not to mention the guy said his name, not his _name_ _,_ his motherfucking NAME. It felt beautiful, a bit unfamiliar and just very heart warming.

"Great! " Dan said instead and sat down not sure what to do anymore.

 _Pronounce and mispronounce,_  
 _Say a lot,_  
 _Close and away,_  
 _Here or not_  
 _In me you stay,_  
 _You surround my thoughts_  
 _You surround every concept of me_ _,_  
 _Is this love?_

(Song belongs to me)  
•••

Sorry I forgot to transfer this from the wattpad account but this a good story just the ending is a bit off but you'll see!

please leave a review and fav!


	2. Chapter 2

Dan fidgeted on his bed skimming through, now meaningless, algebra notebook. He was nervous, simply said. Phil was coming over to study since they were partners and Dan didn't know if he regretted ever going to that algebra class or not. ( it's not like he could've chosen anyways since he was failing it and needed extra classes)  
One part of him was screaming 'no!' and the other 'yes!' because sure it's dangerous for Phil to know. Since he could blab about it all around the school and Dan wasn't ready for that, not to mention terrified. But the worst concern was that Phil could tell Dan's parents. If his parents were to ever know he'd surely be kicked out! They hated anything LGBTQA+ related, they were borderline racist and always discriminated and disrespected other religions.

Dan wasn't religious, and he was sure his parents had accepted that by now.(even though they were a bit salty about it)

Dan stud up from his bed and decided 'fuck it!' because sure Phil may know, but he has kept quiet for now. He has been respectful, friendly and he made Dan feel accepted.

So that's why Dan decided to wear his binder, which he had secretly acquired online. He had gotten it to wear it when he was home alone. He would put it in and just enjoy himself and this would be the first time he would wear it in front of someone.

He opened the closet and kneeled down to take it, he had a bright smile on his face. He was kinda, excited.

He ran into his bathroom, spotting the mirror he grimaced at his reflection. Dan quickly replaced his expression with the one of determination. He was going to do this, he was going to be himself in front of a person the best way he could.

He managed to put it on without much complications and when he put a black shirt on the reflection in the mirror wasn't so disgusting as before. Dan actually smiled.

He looked like he had a male body, almost. It didn't matter currently of course, because currently he was ecstatic.

The bell rang and Dan felt his insides flop. He was fucking nervous. But Phil wouldn't, right? He already knew about Dan so there was no need to be flustered.

He took one last glance at the mirror making sure he looked fine. His emo fringe was on point. His black aesthetic was working and he checked his binder. All was fine, no need to be worried. None at all.

The doorbell rang again and he groaned looking at himself in the mirror.

 _Remember Dan, no need to be nervous._

He walked down the stairs quickly, he ignored the family portraits on the walls which only reminded him of his body, his situation. He really shouldn't think about this now. Dan carefully opened to doors to reveal an awkward Phil standing in the doorway.

"um, Hi! Good to know I got the right house, huh. "

Phil smiled brightly and Dan immediately blushed.

"Yeah, right, right. Um, come in!"

How was he supposed to react now? Phil wasn't Louise, Phil was a guy, not a girl. Kinda like Dan himself, but not exactly.

Phil was people called "a real boy", and Dan was determined to be one too.

They both entered the house slowly in silence, from the corner of his eye Dan saw Phil looking around at pictures. As they climbed up the stairs Dan's heart sank suddenly as he himself spotted a family portrait.

It was his mom and dad, and he himself. Only problem was it was him at the age if 11 in a frilly pink dress and a baby face. He looked like a stereotypical girl, he remembered that day well. It was his anunties wedding and his parents forced him into the dress for the photo.

He vividly remembered throwing himself into mud to ruin the dress a minute after the photo was taken. His parents only had his brothers clothes so Dan wore those.

They were one of the best clothes he ever wore.

" Who's that in the picture?"

Dan looked behind at Phil, who had in the meantime spotted the same picture Dan himself was freaking about.

Dan painfully looked at the photo and whispered:

"Me "

Phil's face turned into one of realization and he quickly raised his hands in surprise.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to I mean that is a hideous dress, totally unfashionable! I mean you'd look much better in a suit, I mean you still look great in a dress, you know whatever fits you-"

Dan couldn't keep it in anymore, he laughed. This _guy_ was hilarious, wonderful. He'd only known him for like 2 days yet he made him laugh multiple time, let Dan feel comfortable and accepted. Did he realize how miraculous he was?

"Why are you laughing?"

Phil looked a bit hurt and Dan felt a bit guilty. He looked so cute though, his face confused again.

"Because Phil, you're just a wonderful guy."

His expression changed immediately, a smile graced his face.

"Well Dan, you're a wonderful guy too."

Dan stopped laughing at once, and to be honest he was a bit touched by what he said. Dan guessed it showed on his face because Phil's face was accepting and understanding.

"Thank you. "

Dan was bewildered, so when he felt in his he was surprised. He looks Phil straight in the eyes and saw those cheerful eyes.

"Come on Dan, let's go finish that project."

Phil took his hand softly as they walked up the stairs, Dan was melting on the inside.

 _This guy should be illegal_

Even as they entered Dan's room Phil barely let go of his hand. The project was done in a peaceful and fun air. Dan enjoyed his time with Phil.

He learned more about Phil. He was a nerd, dorky and was clumsy. He would stick out his tongue when he laughed sometimes and his eyes were always fun to look at. They had lots in common and their talks were too much fun.

"Bye Phil."

"Bye Dan. "

Even that day had to come to an end, but it wouldn't be the last time. Dan hoped it wouldn't, and by the phone number Phil left for him the chances were this really wasn't the last time.

 _In your eyes, am I beautiful?_

 _In your eyes, am I worthy?_

 _In your eyes, am I good enough?_

 _Questions and misconception_  
 _That's all I get,_  
 _Because the truth is in my eyes,_

 _You are my world._

(Song belongs to me)

•••

Dan happily took a bite of a carrot in his hand, he hated carrots but at the moment he didn't care. His mind was filled with thoughts of Phil. He was so nice, he made feel Dan accepted and he was happy. So with another memory of his beautiful smile Dan took another happy bite.

"Okay, this is getting too creepy for my liking."

Dan looked up at Louise in confusion.

"Hm? "

She sighed and raised her eyebrow.

"You look too happy to be Ella, you're eating a carrot like it's the best thing you've ever eaten. You hate carrots! Not to mention today is Thursday which means maths and you hate maths, i always have to coax you to not murder anyone on Thursday. And by the cycle I know you're on your period right now and you're usually pissed when you have it. "

Louise took a deep breath to continue her long speech.

"In conclusion, you have the perfect pissed murderer combo and not the I'm dancing on rainbows mood."

She exhaled and relaxed into her chair, she looked confused. Dan stared at her until he remembered why he was so happy and smiled happily again totally ignoring Louise.

"Danielle? So? Explain yourself."

Dan once more examined Louise's face and concluded that she was serious and wanted legit answers. He wasn't ready to tell her about Phil at all. Dan prepared his excuse quickly, no need to fret he was a good liar.

"I really don't know Louise, I've just been so happy the entire day- "

Suddenly Dan stopped as spotted Phil across the cafeteria, he looked so awkward not knowing where to sit. At the right moment he looked up and saw Dan smiling at him.

He himself smiled at Dan who was suddenly melting on the inside. Did he mention he might be developing a blight crush.

Dan distinctly noticed Louise trying to still get answers from him but he was just hoping Phil would sit down next to him. So when he noticed Phil taking clumsy steps towards his table the butterflies in his stomach fluttered.

"Hey Phil! "

Louise looked at him and then back at Dan in bewilderment.

"Honestly Danielle, you aren't even listening to me girl! "

Phil looked at Louise confused until he saw the uncomfortable expression on Dan's face.

"Hey Dan..."

I smiled at him to sit down and he obliged quickly. Louise looked at Phil now, her eyes examining him sharply.

"Dan? Her name's Danielle, or dani or Ella as nickname. "

Phil felt Dan squirm next to him and Dan hoped Phil got the message, Louise did not know. Luckily Dan saw Phil nod in understanding quickly.

"Hah, you see I just thought of that as a quick nickname. "

Louise nodded slowly.

"I see"

•••

Louise was soon suspicious of Dan, which he did except and he knew she knew he had a crush on Phil. It was obvious, he hoped not too obvious because he didn't want Phil to find out.

It had become common for Phil to sit at their table, and soon after Phil made some friends too. Chris and PJ, who both now sat at their table.

Their lunch table was now always full and full of laughter or brooding over a test. Dan and Louise had befriended Chris and PJ too, both were very funny and creative. It became apparent to them both that Dan had a crush on Phil, it was a well known fact to everyone except Phil himself.

•••

Dan fiddled with his fingers nervously, it had been around a month or so since Phil's known and since he had a crush on him. They have never talked about Dan's gender and today was the day Dan decided they would.

Phil was coming over to his house like practically every day, and the thought of that made Dan smile a bit.

The dysphoria was getting worse though, every time he was reminded of his body he would feel sick, like an outcast in his ow skin. He cried all the time, he was simply just getting more and more disgusted of his body. He needed someone to talk to.

This is why he needed Phil, he already knew to a degree but he needed to talk to him about it. Otherwise he'd go mad, he needed someone to help him.

He was currently waiting in his room, on the bed, snuggled into the pillow behind him resiting to cry. He just hoped Phil would get here sooner. Good thing Phil knew where the extra key was, Dan didn't feel like walking around in this body.

He chocked back a sob once again, it felt like his own skin was screaming at him and he definitely didn't feel the mood to listen.

"Dan? "

The worried voice echoed around the dark room, Dan's head snapped back up to see an extremely worried face of Phil.

"Phil. "

Dan couldn't resist anymore and he burst into tears, he felt useless. Weak. Before he knew it clumsy hands were enveloping him as he cried. It was quiet besides his sobs and once he calmed down Phil looked at him.

"Dan, are you okay? "

"I, I just don't want to be this way anymore."

Phil was confused and Dan knew this, he was usually quite vague.

"What do you mean? "

Dan blew his nose slightly.

"Why can't I just be a guy like you? Why can't I be a real guy? Why was I born this way? Why did something decide I were to be a girl?"

Phil looked at Dan finally knowing what had been bothering Dan.

"Dan, you can be a guy, you are one if you so choose. If that is what truly makes you feel right. "

Dan looked at him.

 _Why is he so kind?_

Whilst he stared at Phil's face he felt the feeling rise inside him again. His body was truly disgusting, but Phil was beautiful.

"How can you even touch me, my body, I, am not right. "

Dan said that quietly, but even as he said that he tightened his hands around Phil's waist. His head was buried in his shoulder and he felt Phil tense.

"Dan don't say that. You're just, wonderful and beautiful. You're strong, you've managed to be alone for this long. You just need someone to help you now. "

He separated us a bit, his hands holding onto Dan's shoulders firmly. He seemed hurt, like his misfortunes were hurtful to his as much as Dan.

 _Does he really care about me that much?_

"Dan, never forget I love you, no matter what body you have."

Dan stared at him, did he mean that romantically? What did he mean by he _loved me._ What did he mean.

"What. "

Phil smiled shyly.

"I love you Dan, I like you, and I know you may not feel the same but this felt necessary to mention. "

Dan felt himself blush wildly, his entire face was red.

"Phil, oh my god. "

Dan leaned in with a moment of courage, his entire body filled with excitement. His hands were itching to just touch Phil's face and kiss him for months and this moment was what he needed.

And just as he expected their lips met in warmth and passion. Dan's hands roamed around Phil's chin and than down to his chest and he couldn't but just feel happy and well horny seeing as he was a teenager.

Phil wasn't in a better shape either, Dan could feel his hands on his back and waist.

It was everything he wanted and the reminder Phil and he had made it clear that Dan was well trans (even though he knew before but he liked the talk) was liberating.

"Dan-nn..."

Phil moaned slightly as Dan tried making sure to leave a hickey. Once he was sure, he stopped. Man, was he emotional today.

"When are you going to tell Louise, I found out on accident but she is your best friend. When do you think you'll tell her? "

Dan sighed and snuggled in Phil's shoulder.

"It doesn't matter Phil."

Dan was sure that Phil rolled his eyes but he couldn't quite see it.

"Dan, we both know it's hurting you. Telling people you care about is important. "

As Phil said that Dan realised that, yes, it was hurting him, but he couldn't do it. It was hard to. He didn't know how to, nor when. It was too alien to him.

"Not now Phil, I don't, I just can't."

Phil chuckled.

"I understand Dan, I was the same when I told my parents I was gay. But they accepted me. "

Dan smiled into his shoulder. _I'm glad they accepted him, those are very nice parents._

"Dan, but I have one more very important question. "

Something dropped in Dan's stomach, what was Phil going to ask? Suddenly he was nervous.

"Would you do me the honors of being my boyfriend? "

A smile was the only thing that graced Dan's face.

"Of course Phil Molester."

"DAN!"

 _And even if I cried_  
 _You'd carry the tears away_  
 _And even if I was falling_  
 _You'd carry me away_  
 _So if I fall for you and shed tears_  
 _Will you take me away_  
 _In your arms?_

(Song belongs to me)

•••

 **Hey does anyone love Harry Potter? Because I think I'm about to write ya'll a drarry one. I've written a lot of phan so I need something else now**

 **anyways this fic is over so leave a review and fav, I wanna know what you think. The ending is a bit shabby maybe but I feel like this is a nice place to stop! Seems perfect, have a nice day! :D**


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